Discipline • Back to For Parents • What is the difference between discipline and punishment? • Make it easier for your child to behave • How to Discipline • Positive Discipline Test • Coping • Spanking • Self Esteem Boosters for Parents What is the difference between discipline and punishment? Discipline is a way of teaching and guiding children rather than forcing them to obey. Its purpose is to teach children about the rules and values of our society, and to help them to become self-disciplined so they become happy, responsible adults. To the top Make it easier for your child to behave Have child-friendly areas of your home and make other areas ‘out of bounds Give choices to your child that meets your needs. For example: don’t ask if they would like to go to bed, ask if they want to wear the blue pj’s or the red pj’s? Going to bed is not a choice, pj colour certainly can be. Know your child. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are tired, hungry or frustrated. Try to limit their frustration and yours by having naps, snacks and meals at regular times. Allow time for cooling off when they get frustrated. Keep rules simple and follow through when they are broken. Your child will know what to expect from you. Catch your child being good and praise them. Make sure you have their attention when you ask them to do something. Get down on their level and make eye contact. To the top How to Discipline Be predictable. Tell your child what the consequences will be if they break the rules or don’t follow through with requests. You want discipline to be effective.   Be reasonably consistent Consistency is important; without it children become confused, or learn to ignore their parents' direction. Enforce the rules most of the time while remembering that there may be exceptions to those rules. Always follow through on consequences No matter what consequences you choose, make sure that it fits with your child's action. The consequence must take your child's ages and stage of development into account. You must use fair judgment. Children learn a lot by the choices that they make and by their mistakes. Those lessons teach them about decision making and problem solving which will help them become more independent as they grow older To the top Positive Discipline Test Are you using positive discipline? Evaluate your approach by asking yourself: Does this method of discipline… Teach appropriate behaviour? Avoid violence? Allow my child to continue feeling positive about himself or herself? Keep our parent-child relationship strong? Fit my child's stage of development, individual personality and needs? (Yes You Can! Positive Discipline Ideas for You and Your Child; Parenting Life Series; Toronto, ON; 1999). To the top Coping If you are feeling overwhelmed with parenting… Find someone to talk to who will listen, understand your problems, give you helpful ideas or suggestions and care about what happens to you. This may be a friend, a neighbour, a family member or a counselor. Don't bottle up your feelings, but don't spill them on your children. If you're feeling angry or depressed, go for a walk; try some deep breathing to help you relax. Find a way to get rid of your frustrations safely; take time out. Change what you can. Have a partner or friend share child care. Talk to others for support and new ideas. Attend a parenting group. Join or start a playgroup. Get help to handle things you can't change on your own. Asking for help does not mean that you are a bad parent. It means you love your child and want to give him the best upbringing you can.  Good Places to Start: Family Physician Health Unit- 1-800-660-5853 Early Years Centre- Lanark 613-283-0095 or 1-800-267-9252, Leeds and Grenville 613-341-9044 or 1-866-433-8933. Your Child's school (Yes You Can! Positive Discipline Ideas for You and Your Child; Parenting Life Series; Toronto, ON; 1999). To the top Spanking "Please Do Not Spank Me" Why not?  Spanking teaches me that it's okay to hit.  Spanking teaches me that it's okay to hit someone to solve a problem.  Spanking teaches me that it's okay to use hitting to express my feelings.  Spanking may cause injury; sometimes you may spank harder than you mean to. It can also damage my self-esteem. How can I love someone who hurts me? It can hurt our parent-child relationship. I may become more concerned about avoiding your punishment- not getting caught- than changing my behaviour. As I get older, spanking becomes less effective. What will you do when I am sixteen and six inches taller than you? What can you do instead of spanking me?  Stop, turn around and count to 10.  Ask yourself: Am I tired, sick or worried about something?  Sit me down and give me time out for a few minutes. Please give me a hug afterwards.  Tell me what I did wrong and show me what you expect.  Give me clear choices.  Learn about me and how I grow and develop.  Talk to other parents for more ideas. To the top Self Esteem Boosters for Parents: Accept your mistakes and learn from them.  Be gentle with yourself. You are a parent, not a magician.  Focus on a good thing that happens each day.  Take pride in your achievements, both great and small.  Try and take time every day to do something just for you.  (Information used with permission from the City of Ottawa) To the top